Speaking of Gretel..

Crazypants the Spitting Designer bottomed out in Episode 6 with her “What if Gretel, from the Fairy Tale, got together with a Hershey’s chocolate bar…and they…channeled…Barbarella…and together they…they threw up an ugly dress” dress.

Now, I’m sort of ashamed to say that I kinda get it. I mean, if you squint your eyes and enter the mind of a woman who’s suffered severe head trauma (hey, she admitted this, how can I not mention it), it’s basically an interpretation of a chocolate cupcake with pink sprinkles in a foil holder.

You know, except with long legs sticking out from under it.

So yeah.  It was time for Elisa to go.  And it’s not like we didn’t see it coming.  Her designs were all over the map. Some were fabulous, but she was completely unpredictable. Not Santino unpredictable, just, “What do you mean you’re spitting on the dress” unpredictable.

The world needs more creative spirits. But I’m not sure that Project Runway is the best place for them to land.

Twizzler Tits!

Ah, Project Runway, this is why we watch you. This is why we love you.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the reason Project Runway is such a great reality show is because the contestants are actually talented and creative, and are asked to perform tasks that require, well, talent and creativity. It seems like such a no-brainer formula. No eating grubs or exposing yourself to malaria required!

This week’s Hershey’s challenge was fantastic. Sure, the premise was made a bit clunky by the in-your-face-ness of the BROUGHT TO YOU BY HERSHEY’S sponsorship, but whatever. If the designers had been forced into a nameless candy shop we wouldn’t have been treated to meeting the awkward HERSHEY’S corporate mucky-muck.

It’s nothing short of painful every time a big corporation sends some executive to go represent their brand. Everyone waits politely while “Sheila from Marketing” or whoever gets her 10 seconds of fame. Except no one really cares what Sheila’s blabbing about, and Sheila herself looks painfully awkward in her hairsprayed perm and ill-fitting corporate uniform as she stands there, sandwiched between hip designers, the impeccable Tim, and supermodels. It doesn’t make the big corporation seem more human, it makes the big corporation seem like they have dorky staff.

Anyway.

The designers’ challenge was to flee at break-neck speed through the HERSHEY’S store to pick up anything and everything they could (in 5 minutes) that would be the basis for their garment. No planning ahead, just grab what you can and do what you do.

Most of the designers chose actual, you know, textiles, since there was no limit as to what products from the store they could use. Only Jillian went the all-edible route.

In hindsight, this was a very smart decision (though at the time, she looked like she’d made a horrible, horrible mistake). I say this because if every other designer had gone the edible route, hers certainly would have been one of the best — it was creative and well made. But because NO other designer did this, she appeared to be a risk-taker. And because her garment stood up to the challenge, she was golden.

This is not to say she should have been the winner. I think her garment was creative and put together well (uh, you know, as far as Twizzlers go). I do not think her garment was attractive.

Sexy, perhaps. If you’re into that edible pleather look.

Quite frankly, this looks like what they’d find if — instead of the witch’s old cottage — Hansel & Gretel had stumbled upon the witch’s Parisian whorehouse. Tres Moulin Rouge, but with a hint of Willy Wonka.

Who’s that nibbling at my couture?

 

And…We’re Back!

It was a good idea, back at the beginning of last year.  You know, that a few friends would write — and regularly update — a blog about reality tv.

Except we didn’t really consider that other reality thing: reality reality.  The one that interjected all this “life” stuff into our blogging calendar and meant we didn’t have time to recap the shows we were watching.

But now that the king (queen?) mack daddy of all reality shows has returned, I’m yearning to recap and discuss in juicy detail the wonder that is Project Runway.  Plus, Idol starts again this month.

So here’s to new beginnings, 2008 and making it work.

I Want My Boredom Fresh!

Top Design reruns so soon? Only four episodes into the season, with no holidays in sight? What could be going on? As I said to my husband (who understood my seemingly illogical statement perfectly): “This show isn’t good enough to not have a new episode each week”.

Nice going, America.

Come on! Who is out there voting for Antonella Barba to stay on American Idol? She is absolutely atrocious.

On the plus side, it will become even more obvious just how far out of her league Antonella is, the judges (except for Paula) will be even tougher on her, and I think it will be a little bit brutal for them.

So at least I have that to look forward to.

Likewise Sanjaya – who’s voting for this cat? To be fair, no one was more surprised than he was that he was staying.  I mean, he’s likable enough, but he doesn’t belong there anymore. He knows that.

Here’s my theory: the people who are voting for Antonella are mostly boys aged 14-80. They are also voting for Sanjaya, reasoning that the longer he stays on the show, the better chances are that his sister will get some air time.

That’s all I can figure out.

Idol thoughts

I thought Philip Stacey had the best performance of the night.

I was already a fan of his – I thought he was great in Nosferatu.

(Just to clarify – I liked Phil, I thought he was the best singer of the night. But man, he’s got some batwings on the sides of his head.)

Do You Think She’s Botoxed “Down There”?

Kelly Wearstler was a Playboy centerfold!

Top Yawn

I’m having trouble getting excited about Top Design. When I first heard about it, I thought great! It’ll be like a Project Runway for interior design. But no, not so much. Maybe the show is still getting its legs, but so far it’s been a disappointment. Why? I think it’s two things: the host and the challenges.

Todd Oldham is no Tim Gunn, that’s for sure. Everything he says sounds like he’s reading it off a cue card, even “hello”. I don’t know if he’s drugged or terrified or both, but he could not be more wooden. This is the most charismatic design personality they could dig up? I’m not sure what to make of the judges yet, except that Margaret Russell seems promisingly bitchy and Kelly Wearstler looks embalmed.

The challenges: must they make them so ridiculous? It’s a design show, not Fear Factor. For example, what is accomplished by not telling them that they’re designing for children, so that they all have to rush around in a desperate last minute attempt to modify their design and furniture? Why couldn’t they just tell them up front that their client was a child? I watch the show because I want to see the best that these creative minds can come up with– not because I want to see what they can salvage from a bad situation. The team challenges, too, seem like more of an attempt to create drama than to demonstrate the designer’s potential. It’s a no-win situation: if they fight for what they want, then they get criticized for not being able to work as a team, and if they try to keep the peace by compromising, then they’re criticized for allowing the team to make a bad decision and for not following their own vision. It’s frustrating to watch; I just want to see what they can do without artificial, improbable hurdles being set in their way.

Gifted

My respect for Prince has been, um, elevated, by his appearance in the Super Bowl halftime show. He’s gifted.

I’m sure glad we weren’t all subjected to the horror of seeing a woman’s breast. Eeew!

All of that drama and Ilan won anyway?

Of the two, Ilan really is the better “chef”. His food was more consistent and he knows how to work in a kitchen. Some might argue Ilan is a one-trick-pony with the whole Spanish cuisine thing – but I think he demonstrated that given time and exposure to more cuisines, he will branch out. Maybe he played it safe at times, but being a Top Chef isn’t *just* about innovation in concept. You have to be able to execute. Marcel showed very frequently that he could not. And I’m not talking about the crazy challenges in which failure was almost assured.

Ilan “gets” food more so than Marcel. Marcel’s food is too focused on presentation. I’m all for making it pretty, but I want to eat it, and it’s going to end up a mush swilling in my stomach anyway – please leave all the preservatives and chemicals out of it, and focus on the purpose of food (sustenance) over its aesthetic value. If you want that level of art in your restaurants – put it on the walls. Marcel gets food construction – you have to in order to successfully deconstruct it. The difference seems to me to be that Ilan understands the utility of food, as well: people want to eat.

Now, obviously, this competition is supposed to be about the food. But kitchen harmony is important. Marcel failed at that in the end just like I thought he would – just like he did all season. He couldn’t lead the team he had because he had “played” the competition throughout. To be fair, I think Sam & Mikey were being passive aggressive and let him fail in ways he would not have had his team been fully supportive. But that’s what I mean about kitchen harmony. Maybe he was putting on an act to manipulate the competition, but honestly, if the only personality you ever show a group of people is manipulative, are they just supposed to take your word for it that in your everyday life you are a “really nice guy”? The restaurant industry is full of people with big personalities who take shit from customers all day long and DON’T want to take it from their co-workers. There are ways to subtly sabotage a chef as one of the lesser chefs in the kitchen. If you don’t treat people right … expect they will give what they get.

I’m just ticked at the producers who made the show all about the hatred of Marcel and then copped-out by handing the prize to Ilan. If they’re making it about the entertainment value, Marcel winning would have been better TV. Of course, they probably would have alienated a good bit of their audience in doing so. It’s hard to say.

Taking the personality out of it, I can describe in three words why Marcel should not have won: BACON ICE CREAM.

In the end, I really think Sam should have won. Regardless of his pettiness over Marcel, he performed consistently. And let’s face it: no matter how gracious we are, we all have people that get under our skin. And these are all kids (except Betty). Sam’s food was interesting, pretty, and yet still seemed edible. He was personable and a good leader. And you have to hand it to a guy who can’t eat sugar and manages to create desserts the judges love.